II. Basic Practices

Meditation

The word “meditation” is used to refer to many different things. For some it means to think about or ponder over something (“I’ll meditate on that”). For others it means to fantasize or daydream. For still others meditation is necessarily a religious or occult practice. None of these interpretations is what is meant here.

 

In this book meditation is a “time-out” from “the game of life.” It is a time to set the body down and relax the mind. It is an opportunity to work with the processes of the mind and disentangle oneself from the ordinary melodrama.

 

The fundamental meditation practices of all the world’s great meditation traditions can be reduced to two basic components: processes of the mind and objects of attention. All the great traditions emphasize the development of one or both of two fundamental processes of the mind: concentration and mindfulness. These will be discussed in the next two chapters.

 

The second basic component of meditation, the object of attention, is what the meditator focuses Consciousness on, with eyes open or closed. It might be something you look at, such as a photograph or mandala. It might be sounds, such as a prayer, chant, or mantra. Or it might be an image called up in the mind. The object is chosen be- cause of particular properties of the object itself and/or associations it has for the meditator.

 

In the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, the objects of attention are scenes from Christ’s life, used as a way of opening to Christ. A yogi might focus on the mantra auni, a primordial sound leading one back toward the source. A Tibetan Buddhist might focus on the image of a “deity” which represents a particular aspect or force of the mind. A Theravadin Buddhist might meditate on the death and decay of the body as a means to get free from vain attachment to the body. And Western therapies are filled with imagery techniques in which clients focus on specific imagined scenes. Therapeutic change is attributed to processes such as covert conditioning, modeling, reprogramming the unconscious, and altering expectations.

 

The multitude of objects of meditation is not within the domain of this book, with a few exceptions to come later. Rather, the emphasis is on the basic form, attitude, and mental processes of meditation. When these are mastered to some extent, the meditator can more profitably choose and utilize various objects of meditation which are more specialized to particular paths and/or individual needs.

 

 

Physical Form

 

The Buddha suggested four basic forms for meditation—sitting, lying, standing, and walking. As sitting is the best form for most people, this is the form I will describe. You can later adapt what is said to other forms. Lying down is a good form for some people, but most are more likely to fall asleep. In the mindfulness chapter I describe a walking meditation.

 

 

For sitting meditation, you want to set your body down so that the spine is basically vertical, the body is relaxed and balanced, and you are not leaning in any direction. There are many ways to sit, including on a chair with feet flat on the floor and not leaning against the chair. The most popular position is sitting cross-legged on the floor on a cushion to help provide a firm, stable base. (The lotus position with legs crossed and feet on thighs is good if you can easily do it. The half lotus is too unbalanced.) The key is to have a firm, balanced base so that you can sit for a while without strain or expending much energy. Shift around and settle into a balanced position.

 

Set your hands in your lap, palms up, with the non-dominant hand on top. If you are right- handed, your right hand is dominant. One way to position the hands is with corresponding fingers on top of each other and thumb tips gently touching. Shoulders should be aligned above the hips, head forward and allowed to hang down, and eyes closed. Take a couple of deep breaths, and then let your breathing go naturally, breathing through the nose as much as possible.

 

Breath as Object

 

Now what do you do while sitting like this? Simply observe your breath. Worldwide, the breath is the most used object of meditation. There are many reasons for this. The breath is always there, so it is readily available and a constant reminder when your practice becomes more continuous. There are many lessons to be learned from the breathing, such as how to get out of the way and let things naturally happen. For many people, such as yogis, the breath is seen as a manifestation of the fundamental life energy. There are many ways to follow the breath. One way is to focus on the breath at the tip of the nose. Notice the air movement through your nose and how it swirls around the tip of your nose when you breathe out. Notice how the air coming in is cooler than the air going out. Notice how sometimes you breathe primarily through one nostril.

 

A second way to follow the breath is to watch the rising and falling of the diaphragm, the partition of muscles and sinews between your chest cavity and stomach cavity. Whereas shallow or frightened breathing mostly involves the chest muscles, healthy relaxed breathing is based on the diaphragm. When the diaphragm rises, it forces air out of the lungs. When the diaphragm falls, air comes into the lungs and the stomach is pushed out. Thus, a third way to follow the breath is by watching the rising and falling of the abdomen itself.

 

In the next few days practice sitting a number of times as described above, and try watching your breath in the three different ways. Find the one that works best for you, and make that your form of meditation. You can always change later, but it is good not to change around too much, Particularly at first. In the Theravadin Buddhist tradition it is suggested that following the breath at the tip of the nose or at the diaphragm is best for quieting the mind (Chapter 7), while watching the abdomen rise and fall is best for mindfulness (Chapter 8).

 

 

Setting

 

Where and when you meditate is important. Have a special place, perhaps with a special Cushion or robe. Over time these props may help get you in the right “mood” for meditation. Free yourself from interruptions by taking the phone off the hook, putting out a “do not disturb” sign, etc.

 

Find your best time of day to meditate, a time when you are relaxed, not tired, and not too hungry or too full. Experiment to find the time that best suits your lifestyle and body cycles. Ideally, it is best if it is about the same time each day. Near the beginning and end of each day are two good times. In the morning after one has risen, used the toilet, and perhaps exercised is a good time as it clears the mind and predisposes one in a positive direction. At the end of the day, before one gets too tired, is another good time as it quiets the mind and allows for the day’s activities to be more processed and resolved.

 

At first it is good if you meditate ten to fifteen minutes a day four or more days a week, then gradually build up to fifteen to thirty minutes a day at least six days a week. If you can meditate more than once a day, that is great.

 

In fact, just a minute of being quiet and aware is very powerful. But most people, at least for a while, need to sit longer for such minutes occasionally to occur. Also, there will be times when your mood and circumstances encourage you to sit longer than usual, and there may be times you crave meditation simply to relax and re-center yourself.

 

The Practice

 

The practice is very simple, although most meditators make it very difficult. All you do is sit down, relax, and watch your breath whenever you can. Now much of the time your mind will be running all over, perceiving, thinking, planning, and remembering. Only some of the time will you actually watch your breath. This is common and to be expected.

 

However, you do not want to actively encourage this mental activity or choose to let yourself get lost in it. Rather, you want just to notice any mental activity and return to your breath whenever you can.

 

Similarly, many sounds, body feelings, and other sensations will arise and attract your attention. Whenever this happens, simply notice the sensation and return to your breath. If you have to move, such as readjusting your legs or scratching your nose, simply move, notice all related sensations, and return to your breath.

 

Various insights and new ideas may arise during meditation, such as solutions to problems or new perspectives on yourself or others. Whenever these arise, simply notice them and return to the breath.

 

For a few people, some of the things that arise during meditation can be disturbing. If this happens to you, stop meditating until you consult a qualified meditation teacher and/or psychological Counselor.

 

So the practice is very simple. You just sit and watch your breath; no matter what arises in your consciousness, you simply note it and return to your breath. Often what arises will pull you into itself, so that it is a while before you return to your breath. No problem; this is common and natural. Just return to your breath when you can. Don’t worry about how often any of this happens. Just return to your breath whenever you can.

 

When you return to the breath, it is a matter of gently and firmly bringing your attention back to the direct experience of breathing at the chosen point of focus, such as the tip of the nose. It is not thinking about breathing or thinking about where your attention was. It simply is returning to the experience of breathing. Don’t try to hold your attention on your breathing; that won’t work. Just bring your attention back when you can.

 

An effective way to help focus your attention on your breathing is through the simple labeling of “in-out” or “rising-falling.” When following the breath at the tip of the nose, silently say “in” to yourself when breathing in and “out” when breathing out. If you are watching the rising and falling of your diaphragm or abdomen, use the words “rising” and “falling.” If you wish to use a mantra, you can use the yogic liberation mantra “So Ham” (“I am That”) or the Buddhist mantra “Budd-ho.” In the first, you would say So (pronounced SOH) on the outbreath and HAM (pronounced HUM) on the inbreath. In the latter, you would say Budd on the inbreath and Ho on the outbreath. If in doubt, simply use “in-out” or “rising-falling.”

 

So the practice consists of just sitting and noticing whatever sensations, thoughts, and images arise in consciousness, and then gently bringing the attention back to the breath. Keep repeating this process for the duration of the sitting. If necessary, you can set a timer to tell you when the time is up. When the sitting is over, don’t jump up and back into your world. Rather, slowly open your eyes, slowly start to move, and slowly move into the world. During this transition, try to be as aware as possible of all sensations, thoughts, and images. Try to maintain a calm and clear mind as long as possible. From your perspective, there will be good meditation days and bad days, days you seem to make “progress” and days you are frustrated, days you wake up more and days you fall asleep. All of this is secondary to simply continuing the practice. This is very important. You must practice on a regular basis. Your mind will come up with lots of reasons why you can’t meditate, today or this week or until. . . . Don’t fall for any of these reasons; just do it. And if one of the reasons arises during meditation? Notice it and return to your breath.

 

With practice, the distinction between when you are meditating and when you are not will gradually dissolve, and a lot of the initial inertia and struggling will be overcome.

 

Attitude

 

The attitude you have toward meditation is very important. How you approach it is as important as the form and practice you use. Meditation should be something you regularly do, like brushing your teeth. If you make it into a major task, if you make a big deal out of being a meditator, you may struggle with the practice. So, just do it.

 

There are three significant and totally interrelated attitudes to cultivate: making friends with yourself, being in the here and now, and letting be.

Making friends with yourself. During meditation, at least at first, you will have many thoughts and reactions about meditation and your ability to meditate. You will evaluate how well you think You are doing and perhaps compare it to how well You think you should be doing or how well you think someone else is doing. You may become dissatisfied by your perceived rate of progress and/or what you are experiencing. You may have some negative feelings toward yourself as a competent meditator. You may tell yourself why meditation is not for you, why this is not the best time in your life for you to be meditating, and so forth.

 

This type of evaluation is counterproductive, for meditation involves developing a non-evaluative quality of mind. Also, you must begin and be where you are. To assume or desire to be “further” along the path than you are creates delusion and suffering and impairs meditative practice. So during meditation, you need to make friends with yourself, accepting yourself unconditionally. If during meditation you have a pain in your leg you can’t ignore, your mind is racing about, and you have thoughts about how poor your meditation practice is going, once again just notice it, and return to noticing your breath. Make friends with yourself. Whatever sensations, images, and thoughts arise are okay, so long as you continue the practice and cultivate unconditionally accepting yourself. You will want to alter your practice based on what you encounter and learn, but always accept yourself.

Being in the here and now. In the early stages of meditation your mind will run all over, including going to plans and anticipations of the future and memories of the past. Meditation practice involves continually coming back to the direct experience of your breathing here and now. With experience, you will see that your mind spends little time in the here and now and a lot of time in the imaginary past and future. During meditation let the past and future go (you can tend to them later). You want to cultivate the ability to simply be here and now.

 

The purpose of singing is not to get to the end of the song. The purpose of dancing is not to get across the dance floor. Rather, the singing and dancing are enjoyed for the activity itself. A similar attitude should be taken toward meditation. Although meditation practice can lead to many positive results, during meditation one should not be concerned with progress or any possible outcome. Rather, one should simply enjoy the practice and whatever is going on here and now. Like dancing and singing, enjoy the activity of meditation and have a good time. Take meditation instant by instant. Regardless of what happened an instant before, each instant is an opportunity to pull into the here and now. Each instant is an opportunity to relax, center, and be more aware.

Letting be. During meditation you want to let things be as they are and perceive them as clearly as possible. You want to simply be in the here and now, not involved in some struggle or quest. You want to be open to new experiences, but not seek them out. You want to have the attitude that nothing need be accomplished. This is very hard for Americans who often have the feeling they are wasting time if they are not actively trying to achieve something. But this achievement attitude is not what is wanted in meditation. Meditation is a time to simply settle in the here and now and let things be as they are. This is true even for active meditation practices, such as the cultivation of concentration or mindfulness.

Finally, it is important to note that these attitudes of meditation apply to many aspects of living and spiritual practice in general (see appendix). But they are often harder to notice and work with when one is caught up in a complex situation in the melodrama of life. Thus, one begins working with them in the simple situation of meditation, gradually training the mind to notice them in more complex situations. Meditation practice is a microcosm for living in general. For example, learning to make friends with yourself during meditation will lead to your recognizing the importance of doing so at other times.

 

Meditation is a very simple and very powerful practice for personal and transpersonal growth. But just reading about it is of little value. One must do it regularly for some time. The results can be dramatic, but they often come slowly and subtly. Patience and practice are highly rewarded.

 

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Mindfulness

Everyone has some degree of awareness, a subjective conscious experience of noticing. Not only do the eyes and the brain process visual information, but we often have the subjective experience of seeing something. The object of awareness and awareness itself usually arise together, at the same time, so awareness and the objects of awareness are often confused. But it is possible to develop this awareness over and above what you are aware of. You can increase the range of your consciousness, developing an intentional awareness that Buddhists call “mindfulness.”

 

Developing mindfulness involves cultivating awareness of whatever arises in consciousness. Mindfulness is sometimes called “bare attention” because it is just noticing whatever arises in consciousness. Mindfulness is not thinking about or reacting to what arises; the mind does the thinking and reacting. Mindfulness is just noticing whatever arises in consciousness, including the thoughts and reactions of the mind. Mindfulness is sometimes called “choiceless awareness” because it does not direct or influence what comes into consciousness. It is an open, clear, calm, sane awareness that objectively notices whatever arises in consciousness without elaborating on it, reacting to it, identifying with it, or getting lost in it.

 

 

In intermediate stages of developing mindfulness, one moves into the “witness” space. From this vantage point, one observes the contents of consciousness, including thoughts and images, without getting pulled into them. Here one’s sense of self is no longer identified with the contents of the mind. This is very liberating and opens the door to the transpersonal.

 

Many people at first confuse mindfulness with thinking. Thus, a person may have a thought and then think about having the thought. But this is not mindfulness; it is just more thinking. Mindfulness is the awareness of the thought and the awareness of the thinking about the thought. But it is not the thinking itself. It takes a while for many people to distinguish thinking and mindfulness.

 

Developing mindfulness is helpful at all four levels of being. For example, many people are out of touch with their bodies and do not notice various stresses and strains or the physiological and psychological effects of different foods. As we become more mindful of our bodies, we are able to treat them better and improve our health. Most of us are not very aware of our own behavior, of the subtle interplay among thoughts, feelings, and actions. As we become more mindful of our behavior, we can more readily produce the changes we want and become more effective personally and socially. Developing mindfulness decreases accidents, forgetting, and the need for doublechecking.

 

So developing mindfulness includes expanding our range of awareness. As we increase mindfulness, we can become aware of our behavior earlier in the chain of events and gain greater self-control. Consider a person who suddenly becomes angry. It may be difficult to get out of the anger and open the heart because the anger has already built up a strong force. But through mindfulness training the person can become aware of precursors of anger earlier in the behavioral chain of events, perhaps when the body starts to tense up or the mind starts to generate anger-related thoughts. At this early stage it is easier to stop the anger, thus allowing greater self-control and freedom. Prior to many actions is the intention to act. The average person is seldom aware of this, and just acts; the person who is mindful at the level of intention has more choices. The same is true of feelings, thoughts, and perceptions. Thus, the mindful person has considerably more choice in how she perceives and responds to the world. For many people the best place to begin developing mindfulness is during meditation. The instructions here assume that you have spent at least a few weeks meditating. Also, for many people, it is best to have developed a certain degree of concentration before emphasizing mindfulness during meditation.

 

Here is what to do. Sit in meditation (or lie down if that is your form). Put your attention on your breath and quiet your mind with your concentration practice. Then simply let your mind go where it will and notice whatever comes into consciousness. If a sound attracts your attention, notice the sound. You don’t direct your mind; this is choiceless awareness. It is important that you merely notice what arises and not get pulled out of bare attention into elaborations or reactions to what arises. If the mind thinks about something, notice the thinking but don’t get lost in thought. Try to be mindful and cultivate the witness space. Let your mind and attention go where they will. But whenever there is a gap or pause, bring your attention back to your breath. And all the time try to just notice what arises in consciousness. Sometimes you will be mindful and sometimes you will get lost in the specific contents of consciousness. Gradually encourage the mindfulness, accepting yourself where you are. Like all of our meditation practices, this is slow and subtle, yet very powerful.

 

If during meditation you need to move your legs, scratch, swallow, cough, or anything else, then do it mindfully. Do it slowly if possible, noticing all intentions, sensations of movement, and other feelings. Notice the rising and falling of your abdomen during breathing. This is often an appropriate point at which to follow the breathing during mindfulness meditation.

 

In the same way that saying “in-out” or “rising-falling” may help you to follow your breath, so other labeling may help develop mindfulness. If your attention is pulled to a sound, external or mental, then say “hearing.” If your attention is pulled to a body sensation, say “feeling”; if a visual image, say “seeing.” Say this silently to yourself, not out loud. Eventually, this labeling becomes very subtle, a whisper at the edge of your consciousness. The labeling is an aid to active noticing, a tool to encourage mindfulness.

 

At first there are only six labels: hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting, and thinking. “Thinking” includes mental activity such as remembering, planning, evaluating, worrying, and so forth. These six labels correspond to the six windows of the drunken monkey’s room. Thus, the labeling during part of a meditation practice might go “thinking, thinking, hearing, thinking, feeling, feeling, feeling, thinking,. . .”

 

As you get more proficient at this use of labels, you can add others such as “moving,” “swallowing,” “bending,” and “scratching.” You can use labels for types of thinking, like “planning,” “remembering,” “judging,” and “wanting.” Eventually start to notice “intending.” Add those labels that are useful to you. But don’t get caught up in the process of labeling; this will lead to thinking, not mindfulness.

 

In this chapter and the previous one, we have seen two major components of meditation—concentration and mindfulness. In concentration meditation we emphasize continually bringing the attention back to a particular object, such as the breathing. In mindfulness meditation we let the mind go more freely and emphasize noticing whatever arises in consciousness, perhaps with the use of labeling. In fact, both forms of meditation contain both components; it is a matter of emphasis. In both forms we want to notice what catches our attention (mindfulness) and develop moment-to-moment one-pointedness (concentration).

 

With experience you will learn how to find the optimal balance of concentration and mindfulness for any particular meditation session. Sometimes your mind will be scattered and upset and you will want to emphasize concentration; sometimes you will be more tranquil and will want to emphasize mindfulness. But you will always want to be mindful of both components and to develop both to some extent, even when emphasizing one over the other.

 

One thing is important to keep in mind at all times in meditation: no matter what arises in consciousness, treat it as a distraction and just notice it. If it tends to pull you into it, then gently and firmly return to your breath. Various feelings, images, and insights will arise during meditation. And some of these, after meditation, will be of great interest or value to you, perhaps even changing your life in an important way. This is fine after meditation. But during meditation, treat everything that arises as just something to notice and leave. Don’t let the drunken monkey disrupt your meditation.

 

After some experience with sitting meditation, you may wish to add walking meditation. For this you need a length of space, about ten to fifteen yards long. Clasp your hands lightly in front or behind, and keep your eyes open and looking down about three feet in front of you. Slowly walk back and forth along your path. Too slow is better than too fast. With each step, slowly lift your leg, slowly move it forward, and slowly place it down. The mindfulness labeling for these three components of each step are “lifting,” “moving,” and “placing.” Concentration is developed during walking meditation by continually bringing the mind back to the direct experience of walking. Mindfulness is cultivated by noticing subtler and subtler aspects of the physical sensations of walking and related mental events. When slowly turning around at the end of the path, one can be mindful of “stopping,” “turning,” “standing,” and “intending.”

 

Almost everything said earlier about meditation in general applies to walking meditation. For example, you should start doing it for about ten minutes and gradually build up. And the attitude toward meditation is important. Doing a walking meditation before and/or after a sitting meditation can be very effective. Sometimes you may prefer to do only a walking meditation. In Buddhist meditation intensives where people meditate for many hours a day, the practice consists of alternating between sitting and walking.

 

After you have developed some degree of mindfulness during meditation, you can start cultivating mindfulness while doing almost anything, including gardening, taking out the garbage, or talking. What you do is put your full attention (concentration) on the activity itself (do it slowly if practical), and notice in detail all the various sensations and thoughts involved. Try to experience all sensations as if they were totally new to you, as if you had never done the activity before, or as if you had just been given vision or hearing.

 

For example, listen to music as if you had never heard anything before. Exactly what do you experience? Where do you experience it? Eat something very slowly and mindfully. Notice in detail all the changing smells, tastes, and movements of tongue and jaws. Slowly do neck rolls, rotating your head from front to side to back to other side to front. Notice in detail the various sounds and feelings. Notice how relaxed or tense various muscles are. Slowly move some part of your body, Such as a finger, and notice in detail the intention to move, the sense of will, and the subtle sensations of movement. When bathing, notice in subtle detail the wide range of feelings, smells, Sights, and sounds. Try mindfully doing many different things, such as looking at a friend, seeing yourself in a mirror, reading, visualizing, and thinking.

 

Eventually you will come to realize that anything you do is an opportunity to cultivate more mindfulness. A Zen story tells of the student who visited his master on a rainy day, leaving his shoes and umbrella in the vestibule. The master asked him whether his umbrella was to the left or right of the shoes. Not knowing, the student realized he had much more work to do in developing continual mindfulness.

 

Try to spend parts of every day increasing mindfulness. After you have been doing this for a while, periodically set aside a day in which you try to be as mindful as possible throughout the whole day. Don’t do anything just to get it done. Rather, pull into the here and now of doing the task and enjoy the activity itself, regardless of what it accomplishes. Try to do everything slowly, precisely, reverently, and mindfully.

 

Whatever we do can be done more mindfully and thus is usually done better. The Buddha considered the development of mindfulness of prime importance, often more important than anything else. He described four foundations of mindfulness, four domains where mindfulness can be developed. These are mindfulness of body, feelings, mind, and mental factors.

 

Mindfulness of body includes being aware of position, such as when sitting or standing, and of movement, as in the walking meditation. Also included is mindfulness of breathing, both during meditation and at other times. Is the breathing long or short, fast or slow, obstructed or smooth? Women might cultivate being more mindful of their menstrual cycle, including experiences of ovulation and the effects of different aspects of the cycle, such as changes of energy level, mood, and whether one is inner or outer directed.

 

Mindfulness of feelings involves developing greater awareness of stresses, pains, and degree of relaxation. It involves noticing that we tend to classify all feelings immediately as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. It involves noticing later effects of the feeling, such as movement toward or away, and tendencies toward specific emotions, such as anger or sexual arousal.

 

Mindfulness of mind includes noticing how concentrated and mindful the mind is. It involves becoming aware of how affected the mind is by passion, hatred, confusion, and distraction.

 

Mindfulness of mental factors involves developing awareness of those aspects of the mind that aid or impair spiritual awakening, such as many of the processes discussed in this book. The Buddha included many things in this foundation of mindfulness. One example is mindfulness of the five hindrances—sense desire (lust), hatred or anger, sloth and torpor, restlessness and worry, and doubt.

 

Most meditation traditions emphasize concentration/absorption over mindfulness. Buddhism’s great contribution is the emphasis given to mindfulness, particularly as practiced in the Theravadin (Hinayana) branch of Buddhism. Within the Theravadin tradition are the highly developed ViPassana (insight) meditations. Vipassana practices include a carefully detailed sequence of mindfulness meditations that leads to ever subtler aspects of consciousness. This reveals insights into the fundamental nature of one’s self and existence in general (e.g., impermanence, suffering, and egolessness). Beyond this, the practices lead to the ultimate spiritual awakening, including various levels of enlightenment.

 

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Opening the Heart

 

Opening the heart is based on opening oneself to people and experiences and accepting reality as it is. It involves gradually transcending the limitations, attachments, and biases of the normally restricted ego-based perspective. Opening the heart involves the cultivation of unconditional acceptance of reality, as opposed to the usual judging, rejecting, and fighting with reality. Unconditional acceptance does not mean becoming passive and not trying to change anything (the world, other people, yourself). Your analytic mind will still evaluate reality and plan courses of action. But your heart will gradually accept everything at each step along the way. In fact, your mind will make more effective decisions when it is less impaired by emotion-backed attachments, and when it is less thrown off by emotional upset caused by differences between reality and models of how reality “should” be.

 

Meditation is a time to practice opening the heart. You need only to be open to perceiving reality as it is in the moment-to-moment here and flow. When meditating, one wants to develop an openness to the experiences and insights of one’s own being.

 

Opening the heart also involves opening to experiencing and accepting the whole world and all people. It involves opening your whole being to what you perceive and how you respond to it. It is based on a relaxed receptivity to other people and situations. The heart opens with unconditional acceptance, even while you are doing things to alter reality.

Opening the heart involves letting other people into your heart and unconditionally accepting them. It often takes great courage to let others into your heart and open yourself to being touched in the heart. Thus, opening to others often involves opening and closing, expanding and contracting, as you gradually work in this area. It is important to remember that accepting or loving another person does not mean that you like that person’s behavior; you may try to change another’s behavior, or you may avoid that person. But by opening your heart, you learn to unconditionally accept a person over and beyond any of your reactions to particular behaviors. A parent may love a child very much no matter what the child does, while simultaneously disliking some of the child’s behaviors and trying to change them. It is important for children and others to know that they are continually loved, even when there are conflicts.

 

As a general rule, we are all doing the best we can, given our level of understanding, values, experiences, skills, and so forth. Everyone is to be accepted and valued beyond the melodrama of the game or dream. Even when a person acts cruelly or aggressively we need to realize that it is often out of fear or anxiety. So we try to have compassion for the person, not get pulled into a fight, and still do the best thing to encourage more appropriate behavior.

 

 

The early Greeks distinguished three different types of love: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is love primarily based on desire. Philia is based on friendship, brotherly love. And agape is selfless love concerned with the welfare of others. From a transpersonal point of view, eros is a perfectly natural part of being human and is thus respected. Sexual relations can also be the form for powerful tantric spiritual practices, although many people use tantra as an excuse for hedonism. But in terms of spiritual progress, we don’t want the love of opening the heart to be limited to or held back by eros. Eros is usually too tied up in the attachments of the first three centers of consciousness (chakras)—which are involved with security, sensation, and power. Eros is often caught in the “more is never enough trap,” inviting a never-ending quest for ever more sexual experiences, sensations, conquests, etc.

 

Opening the heart involves transcending all this and moving to the fourth center of consciousness, the heart chakra. The heart chakra is the transition between the lower levels of humanness and the upper transpersonal levels. The need for love is fundamental and is not satisfied by the stuff of attachments (sex, power, drugs, money, etc.). It is satisfied only by opening the heart.

 

Transpersonal practice involves assuming and acting from the position of philia, brotherly love, and moving toward agape, selfless love. Selfless love implies getting beyond the self.

 

Learning to love another, in the broadest sense of the word, includes developing unconditional acceptance, unconditional positive regard, patience, and forgiveness. It involves creating space and support for the other person to learn and grow. Often when with another, it involves being totally with that person in the here and now. Relationships with others should be simple and direct. Don’t cloud the relationship with unnecessary heaviness, complexities, expectations, or psychological interpretations. Relax into the relationship and enjoy it and learn from it.

 

Close relationships usually involve sharing of thoughts, feelings, concerns, goals, insights, touch, conscious spaces, and spiritual movement. Thomas Merton suggested that “infinite sharing is the law of God’s inner life.”

 

A common trap is confusing the form of a person’s behavior with the essence of how loving the person is. A person who becomes more loving does not necessarily act in any particular way. Similarly, just because a person hugs more or uses the word “love” more often does not mean the person’s heart is more open. Of course, as a person learns to love more, it will influence behavior, but not necessarily in stereotypical ways.

 

To open your heart maximally and learn to love others unconditionally, you must also learn to love yourself unconditionally. For many people this is much harder than loving others. Many people are kinder to their friends than they are to themselves. Most people need to make better friends with themselves and learn to accept themselves unconditionally. Loving yourself does not mean you have to like all your behaviors. There may be things you do or don’t do that you want to change. But all the while that you make such decisions and work on such changes, you should Unconditionally love and accept yourself as you are. You must be patient with yourself and per- haps forgive yourself. If you argue that it is difficult or impossible to love yourself, then simply love yourself as a person who has trouble loving himself. There is no way out.

 

In Buddhism a popular meditation for opening the heart is the loving kindness (metta) meditation. To do this, assume your meditation form and quiet your mind. Then call up images that put you in a loving mood, and let your heart open. These might be images of a loved one, a spiritual teacher or ideal, and/or a nature scene. Keeping the mind quiet and the heart open, shift your contemplation to someone you basically like or love. Start with yourself if possible, then move to someone who has been good to you, such as a benefactor. Let your heart open to this person. You might say to yourself phrases such as “May. .. . be free from danger. May.. . . be free from mental suffering. May. . . . be free from physical suffering. May .. . have the ease of well-being.” Then in this meditation and future meditations gradually contemplate people you like or love less and less. With patience and practice you will eventually be able during meditation to open your heart to people you previously did not like. You can learn to love them even though you don’t like many of their behaviors. Learning to love one’s enemies is a goal of true Christian practices.

 

By definition the transpersonal domain is entered by getting beyond (trans) the self (the personal level). One practice to facilitate this is selfless service, giving help to others merely for the sake of service. One works toward self-surrender in the here-and-now act of service. This is a critical part of karma yoga, the yoga of service. Selfless giving and serving may involve letting go of one’s ego-based attachments in favor of helping another person. In a relationship one can learn not only to give selfless love but also to receive selfless love. For love is often optimal when it is given and received selflessly. At first it may seem that love requires preferring the happiness and welfare of the loved one over one’s own. But eventually one realizes that at another level there is no difference.

 

In the spiritual awakening of the world, as reflected in religion, the period 550-450 B.C. was very significant. In India there were Mahavira, the reformer of the Jain religion, and Siddhartha Gautama, the father of Buddhism and reformer of yoga and Brahminism. In China were Confucius and Lao Tsu, the latter the father of Taoism. The religion of Yahweh was coming together as the world religion of Judaism. It was the beginning of the Golden Age of Greece, which would later strongly influence Western religious thought.

 

Then came the opening of the world’s heart, the emphasis on love in religion. The next 500 years brought the rise, spread, and culmination of the bhakti force. Arising in India, bhakti yoga developed as the spiritual path that emphasized love, devotion, and worship. Filling the needs of many people, bhakti yoga became very popular, and dramatically influenced Buddhism. Early Buddhist Practices (Theravadin/Hinayana) stressed a simple but difficult path that required much of the practitioner, such as developing concentration and mindfulness in meditation. Although this is a powerful path, it was too difficult for and/or did not suit many people. This led to the development of Mahayana Buddhism, which gives a much greater role to devotion and faith. A classic example of selfless service is the Bodhisattva vow of Mahayana Buddhism. Here the practitioner vows to postpone his own enlightenment until all others become enlightened. In some Buddhist traditions the practitioner begins with Theravadin practices and later adds Mahayana practices. Christianity arose as the bhakti force culminated. During the time of early Christianity, Eastern spiritual teachers were coming to the Mediterranean and people from the Middle East were going East. Christianity, as taught by its founder Jesus the Christ, is a religion of love and devotion. Unfortunately, Christianity got tied into Western philosophy and politics, and Western history is filled with atrocities committed in the name of Christianity (e.g., the Inquisition, witch hunts, aspects of the Crusades, religious intolerance). By contrast, no major war has ever been fought in the name of Buddhism.

 

Bhatki yoga, Mahayana Buddhism, and Christianity, in their purest forms, all encourage the opening of the heart through selfless service, unconditional love, and devotion. Many people have a need for some type of devotion or worship, but have trouble relating to the transpersonal. Thus, the religious aspect of these three spiritual paths provides spiritual teachers, manifestations of God, and other religious forms for people to worship and love. In some religious beliefs it is held that God manifests in human form to facilitate spiritual progress. Hindus suggest this has happened many times. Christians believe it has happened once. Opening the heart appropriately can lead to loving many others and to love that goes beyond forms. A powerful bhakti teacher is one who fully realizes in what way she or he is one with God and in what ways not.

 

Opening the heart is a fundamental and critical part of the universal spiritual path. It can be cultivated within a religious context, but it need not be. Opening the heart will increase happiness, improve interpersonal relations, and lead to transpersonal domains.

 

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